In Memory (A Letter to Nyah & Zion)

You are the x in an algebraic equation.

An unknown number.

The symbol of infinity - there is no end to my love for you.

You are a figment of my imagination, a mere shadow in my mind.

A mystery in which the clues never quite fit together.

I will never know the color of your eyes because they never stared into mine,

As I hear false echoes of cries that never reached my ears

With time, I have gotten used to being without you, but your faces

Still appear before me as I reflect on the milestones we are unable to share.

I fight back tears, but I know in my heart you will always be there.

The early days were rough and it was our faith that helped us make it through.

The two of you are gone but never forgotten, invisible children who dwelled within me

But like a package with an incorrect address, you were returned to sender.

Safe in His arms is where you reside and tucked in my heart is where I hide you

Not because I don’t want people to know you existed.

It’s just easier to say no when asked “Do you have any children?”

Not wanting to dampen the mood with my somber tale of why you are no longer here;

Even though sometimes I feel as if I am denying you and your brother’s existence.

Although the two of you only shared a few fleeting moments in this dimension, you have changed me.

I try not to take life for granted as each day is a gift.

Tomorrow is not promised is not a cliché, it’s a reality I am all too familiar with.

Bringing forth life has become a journey; we are on a road I wish could say

Was less traveled by many; however, I know we are in good company.

Hannah, Rachel, Elizabeth and I have become BFF’s as I have learned so much from their stories.

God is no respecter of persons so if He did it for them He is obligated to do it for me.

My story is waiting to be written on my life’s pages, indelible ink seeping into the hearts of those

Who know our struggle and will rejoice in God’s promise coming to pass.

The future is not a replacement as you are irreplaceable,

There will only be additions of God’s multiplication to our family.