Expectations of Marriage & Motherhood, Part 1

Marriage is like a beautiful garden overflowing with flowers. Each bloom pollinated by God’s word to ensure it reproduces His perfect will and purpose in the earth. 

It is a covenant between two people and God. It is ordained by Him. However, we often lose sight of this fact after the wedding ceremony. We often push aside God’s agenda for our marriage and put our agenda ahead of His. 

I can tell you I stopped praying about my marriage for several years. I thought marriage just happened. My expectations were almost non-existent. I expected children would come naturally and quickly because that is what “happened” after you said your I dos. 

I don’t believe I am alone in this assumption because for most people this is indeed what occurs for them. It wasn’t until my early 40s that I realized I needed to change my thoughts on our marriage. By this time, Will and I had been married for more than 15 years.

Now don’t get me wrong, I continued to believe God for a miracle baby. We even fostered children for a brief moment believing we would complete our family that way. But it was when I hit 42 that the doubts of motherhood for me began to creep in. I tried to keep these thoughts at bay by Googling stories about women over 40 who conceived and had healthy babies. Maybe I would be one of them. But my body wouldn’t let me be great.

My reproductive health issues continued to mount. A visit to my specialist revealed an enlarged uterus filled with cysts and ovaries that weren’t functioning properly. I knew it was time to officially let go. Leading up to the surgery date for my hysterectomy this past August, I began to experience grief. 

I began to grieve over my inability to no longer reproduce a biological child. Even though it had been almost 17 years since my last pregnancy, I still had mustard seed size faith that God would allow me to conceive. My heart ached over this for weeks. I became depressed as the enemy showed up and whispered defeat in my ear. Once I realized the downward spiral I was heading in, I began to pray.

My conversations with God got real and He revealed some things to me. Now I am not going to go into detail about those revelatory moments because it's between me and Him. Just know I came out of the grief with joy. I came out with a renewed vision of His plans for me and my marriage. 

I had the surgery and my recovery was quick. I thank God for allowing things to go so smoothly for me. Now this whole medical menopause situation can be an entire blog by itself, but I will leave that for someone else to write. 

Take time to pray and discover God’s plan for you and your marriage. This is part 1, I hope to have part 2 completed soon.

I would love to hear your feedback regarding this blog. If you have questions or comments, feel free to email me at authortunisiawilliams@gmail.com. 

All thoughts expressed in this blog are my own.